An Apology

I'm sorry that I'm clingy,

And want to see you all the time,

I'm sorry about my black moods,

I'm nowhere near sublime.

I'm sorry for the guilt trips,

It's the only way I know

To make you stay with me,

I'm so scared that you'll go. 

I know I don't deserve you,

I'm sorry for that too.

I'm just a mess, 

Full of loose ends, 

Don't know what else to do. 

I'm sorry I have stretch marks,

And my thighs are far too wide, 

My stomach sags,

My eyes have bags,

And my hair never looks right. 

I wish I could be better,

Sweeter,

Patient,

Kind,

Instead I play the victim, 

Messing with your mind. 

But one day soon I hope,

That I will get it right,

I'll stop this hurtful cycle, 

And we'll move up to the light. 

The Morning

A shaft of sunlight pierces

The early morning and I,

Already awake, am left

Breathless, awestruck as it

Illuminates your peaceful features. 

You stir then, your eyes open,

And they are bright, 

Filled with the promise of a new day,

And a sleepy honesty. 

A smile lights up your face,

As the daybreak did only a moment ago,

So I return it and move in

To touch your lips on mine.

And we lay there for awhile,

Half awake as the sun rises,

Exchanging sweet words,

Sweet kisses,

Sweet embraces. 

And as grateful as I am to the sun,

For rising each morning,

I am more grateful for you,

And the light you bring to me. 

I Like...

I like it when you hold my hand,
And the way you make me smile.
I like it when we hang out together,
Even if only for a little while.

I like the way you hold me close,
And I like it when you flick your hair.
I like it when you kiss my lips,
It leaves me struggling for air.

I like the colour of your eyes,
And how I blush when they meet mine.
I like the way you think that's cute,
And refuse to let me hide.

But,

I love the way my fingers feel,
So safely wrapped in yours.
And how when I'm near you I grin so much,
It's basically surreal.
And I love the way I'd wait all day,
Just to sit and talk with you,
To see your smile is worth my while, no matter what we do.

I love the way you draw me in,
So gently, as if I might tear
And the way you look at me,
Like I'm precious, perfect, rare.

I love the way your mouth feels,
On my lips and on my skin.
The way your fingers trace my face,
Is the greatest kind of sin.

Too Busy

I know I seem strong,

And I say that I'm fine,

But I would really appreciate,

If you found the time,

To check that it's true,

Make sure I'm not blue,

Don't let me feel unimportant to you. 

This happened before,

And it's happened again,

And once more you don't notice,

My meek, silent pain. 

You're too busy with this,

And too busy with that,

Spending time with your girlfriend,

Finding a flat.

And just once I would like,

For you to turn round and say,

"It will be alright, everything is okay".

But you're too busy with that,

And too busy with this,

Drinking with friends,

Giving family a miss. 

And I remember the first time,

It all fell apart,

The shouting and arguing,

Tore up my heart. 

Not to mention the lies,

That you both spun,

Both causing misery,

But misery'd won. 

And you were both too busy yelling,

And throwing plates,

To notice my sadness,

'Til it was too late. 

And I'm not being selfish,

I know it's hard on you.

I just want you to notice,

It's hard on me too. 

I know that you just want to have a good time,

But is time with your daughter,

Really such a grind?

But you're too busy at work,

And too busy with her,

Too busy smoking,

Too busy drinking liquor,

To notice I'm sinking,

Under all this pressure. 

Sharing a Bed

She rolls over in bed,

And rolls onto me,

Head on my chest,

I can feel her heart beat.

Lungs expanding,

Pressure decreasing,

Could lay here all night,

And listen to her breathing. 

The Space Between Your Neck and Your Shoulder

I so badly want to rest my head,
In that space between your shoulder and your neck.
To breathe in your smell,
Cologne, coffee, deodorant as well.
I feel at peace when I finally rest,
In that space between your shoulder and your neck.

And I'll let you kiss me where it scares me to be kissed,
Because cradled in your arms,
There's no way I could resist.

Where your collar ends,
And your shoulder begins,
That is where my heaven is.

The Smell After You

I would never wish to rid the pillows
Of your scent.
The cologne that permeates the fabric,
Lingers in my mind and my airways.
And the memories of your head on the pillows,
Play through my mind.
And I drift into dreaming
Of you.

I've been busy and sad. Those are my excuses.

Hide out in the books you love,
Find yourself a safe place,
Between their dusty, careworn pages,
In a hole in the ground with the hobbits,
Or in the Great Hall before Christmas,
Or even in that magical space at the back of your cupboard.

Just lose yourself in a book you love.
For when did real life compare,
To having tiny faeries leave plaits in your hair?

Poem for a friend.

I wish I could squeeze the misery from you,
The hurt and self destruction too,
Because I remember when our roles were switched,
You brought me back from the abyss.
I only wish you didn't need a saviour,
Wish I couldn't return the favour.

If I could reach into your mind,
I'd take out the dark,
Leave only light.
No need for fear,
Or lonely despair,
I'd take your hurt,
If only you were spared.

I'd squeeze out the misery from you,
The hurt and self destruction too,
No need to worry, stress, or fret,
I'd take it in without regret.
Because it's not right that you, my friend,
Are left with such foul and bitter ends.

Start the next line with the last word from the line before!

In the end it didn't matter,
Matter that he loves her,
Her legs shake as she walks away,
Away from him, all he has to say,
Say what he might it will not do,
Do anything he wants it to,
To just tell her "stay with me",
"Me and all that I could be.",
"Be anything you want at all!",
All of that and she still won't call.

Thanks to: http://shortstoryideas.herb.me.uk/ for the first line and Rhyme Zone for helping out when my brain got stuck.

Socks

"Oh my god!! I can't physically put any other clothes on unless I have my socks on!!" A girl tittered loudly in the school corridor.

Interesting...

That night I snuck to her house, climbed up the wall and in through her window. She was sleeping peacefully, mouth wide open with a line of saliva oozing from it.
She was wearing pyjamas and... socks.
Carefully, so as not to wake her I conducted a thorough search of the room, tracking down and stealing every sock in there, my crowning triumph was slipping the final pair right off her feet.
I climbed back out of the window and into a nearby tree, watching... waiting.

About 5 hours later her alarm went off, she rose and did not seem to notice the missing socks. Grabbing a towel, she wandered into the bathroom. I would not have to wait much longer.

Now, she was out of the bathroom, cocooned in a towel and heading for her drawers; she opened one and gasped.
"WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?!" The scream came, animalistic and desperate.
Cackling quietly to myself I watched her grab a pair of jeans, hardly able to see them through the tears in her eyes and tried desperately to pull them on. It was not use, her feet would not go into them. She screamed and tugged, thrashing about on her bed, but it was no use. I had won.

Snow

Blanketed. My world is blanked in cool, pure flakes. It is so very beautiful, breathtaking even.
And so quiet, so perfectly quiet, I mean I can still hear the cars go by in the street, but they're less noticeable than usual. Muffled.
I feel bad for disturbing it y'know? But I just had to walk across it. Feel it crunch beneath my feet. It melts on contact with the heat of my skin and I feel it trickling gently down my ankles to the tops of my feet.
The sky is a deep ochre, a cloud cover has spread itself thickly above us and reflects the lights from the city, making it seem like it's a muggy midday outside.

So quiet. Everything is oh, so quiet.

That Summer it Poured Down With Rain.

Remember that summer that it poured down with rain,
We hid under hanging roofs and laughed at the pain
In our fingers and toes, caused by the cold.
Remember that summer it poured down with rain?

Apologies + a Sunday poem.

Apologies for the lack of post yesterday, I went to see Les Mis (brilliant, heartbreaking).

You caught me,
Laying languidly across my sofa,
Half in dream.
(Though I did not look a dream.)
Glasses and face mashed absurdly by sofa arm
Nose and eyes running from some affliction.
Yet, you still ambled softly over,
And kissed me, featherlight,
And removed my spectacles,
And brushed my hair so
It would not irritate me as I slept.
How can you love me so?

What You Did To Me

Knock
Knock
Knock.
Turn the handle, pull open the door, who could be there?
Oh.
You're stood on my porch, with this look, this look on your face that says, let me in, please god don't slam that door in my face and leave me out here, let me in. So I step aside, watching warily, biding my time.

Sit down, offer a drink (I know you don't like coffee), keep my eyes on you, all the time. Don't take them off you, who knows what you'll do.
You start talking.
"I'm sorry,"
"I didn't mean it,"
"Take me back,"
I miss you,"
"I love you,"
On, and on, and on.

WHACK

The door shuts for the second time that day, I wince at the bloody, muddy mess left behind. That'll need cleaning.